


Fairy Lights

by DenialAndError



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 20:29:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9201494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DenialAndError/pseuds/DenialAndError
Summary: Bucky is having a particularly rough day and you can't help but try and make him feel a little better.





	

A couple of months had passed since you last woke up to the gut wrenching scream and you’d all just started to believe he was getting better. But tonight broke the lucky streak. You wake with a jolt upon hearing the terrorised outcry coming from Bucky’s room. Looking to your clock, you see it’s just past three in the morning and you can hear his laboured breathing despite his room being two doors down the hall so you kick your sheets off of yourself, wrapping a dressing gown around yourself before leaving your room but upon reaching the Winter Soldier’s door, you hear Steve calming down his best friend and you pause.

Mindlessly, you glance through the crack in the door and the sight makes your heart break. Bucky is sitting on the edge of his bed, his eyes puffy and red, hair dishevelled and a deadly grip on edge of the mattress as he leans forward, head hung low, trying to slow down his breathe. Steve sits beside him, every inch of him showing the fatigue he so clearly felt yet here he was, softly talking Bucky down from his panicked state with nothing but empathy in his voice. Taking a deep breathe, you step away from the door, feeling a sense of intrusion, before turning and making your way back in to your room.

That night, you fall asleep thinking about how hard it must be on the man to spend years having no control over his body, finally breaking through that only to be plagued by memories that keep him up at night. And then to feel like you’re not able to talk about it? You couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. He was silent when he came to the tower, only speaking to Steve, practically following him around when he left his room, which was rare in and of itself. Two months passed before he started leaving his bedroom to join the team in the common room or in the training room and you never said it but you took pride in being the first person he chose to speak to that wasn’t the star spangled man himself.

He was the one to initiate it, much to your surprise. Unlike some of the other team members, you’d been keeping your distance but it turned out that’s why he approached you. “You were the only one who wasn’t trying to force me to speak. Or pitying me, for that matter” he had told you one day when you’d asked why he approached you (long after that first conversation you’d had). He was no longer the quiet recluse but that didn’t mean he was open and inviting. He was no Wanda, that’s for sure.

* * *

Restless sleep overcame you for the rest of the night and when you finally got up for the day, you were still as tired as you were when going to bed hours earlier. Shuffling through the tower, you make your way to the common room with its adjacent kitchen and set about brewing a fresh pot of coffee. The tower was always a little quieter when team members were on a mission and today was no different.

Sam and Bucky had left in the early hours before sunrise on a simple mission to intercept a small Hydra base nearby and their absence was prominent. By the time you’d sat down with your mug of coffee, Tony walked in and it was clear he hadn’t slept at all, probably lost track of time tinkering with whatever gadget he was creating or improving.

He sent a grateful look in your direction when he saw the fresh coffee and you simply raised your mug in response but before you could take your first sip, FRIDAY’s voice filled the room. “Mr Stark, Sam Wilson is calling for your aid urgently”.

There is a moment of silence as you and Tony share a worried look before he instructs the AI to tell Sam and Bucky that he was on his way. The coffee in his hand was left untouched and neglected as we walked out of the common room and anxiety began to eat away at you. _This was supposed to be a simple mission_.

* * *

Sam and Bucky returned within the hour and they looked rough but there was a heavy air of tension between the two as they entered the common room, Wilson making his way to the fridge while Barnes practically fell on to the couch. Natasha was beside you, eyeing the pair wearily, simply waiting for something to happen - it was bound to with amount of seething anger floating between them.

The refrigerator door slams shut, making you jump as you turn to find Sam glaring at the man on the couch “All of this! All of this could be avoided if you had just _listened_ ” he roared and Bucky shot up to his feet.

“I told you I’m sorry, Sam!” he boomed. There was a pause before he spoke again “It was a mistake. Neither of us knew there were agents behind that door” his voice was eerily quiet and you knew there was a storm brewing under there.

Sam lifted his hand, pointing a finger at Bucky and began walking towards him, fast. “I told you. I _told_ you not to go in there. We didn’t _need_ to go in there. But _you_ decided to make your own plans _once again_ and now Tony is there saving our ass”. Bucky responded to Sam’s threatening demeanour by taking a step forward, his chest heaving as he withheld his anger, his shoulders straightening, his body tensing.

Natasha and you moved in sync, stepping in front of the boys, clearly seeing how quickly the situation was escalating out of hand. Your hand was placed on the soldier’s chest while Natasha held on to Sam’s forearm, both of your standing in front of them but they kept their eyes on each other, angry glares on both ends.

“Okay, both of you stop. What’s happened has happened. Tony is dealing with it. You have g _ot_ to calm down” Natasha’s voice is firmly and  that there is no room for argument. You take a moment to thank the stars that Natasha was such a badass.

Almost two hours passed before Tony returned. After their outburst, Sam had walked out of the room, probably heading to the training room to let off some steam. Bucky remained in the common room, taking a seat back on the couch but he didn’t speak and you knew better than to push him for information. Every so often, you chanced a glance at him and could see the self-loathing that was simmering under the surface and it pained you not to be able to do anything about it. Steve had heard what happened and soon joined his best friend on the couch, also choosing to remain quiet. Sam happened to return just before Tony walked in and judging by the look on Stark’s face, you were willing to bet another argument was about to begin.

Tony stopped in the middle of the room, pointed at Bucky, to Sam, and back to Bucky before he spoke, his words quiet and slowly drawn out, “You two are _fucking idiots_ ” and every syllable expressed the anger he withheld. Sam was the first to respond “Me?! I told him not to! This is on him” and it was clear that the physical exertion had done nothing to calm him down. Bucky remained silent. Tony and Sam began voicing their outrage at the mistake Bucky had made.

From what you could understand, he made a mistake and walked in to a trap. A room filled to the brim with agents who knew they were coming and Bucky and Sam had barely made it out alive. When Tony arrived, they were still fighting and Tony had no choice but to begin an air strike upon the building, killing every Hydra agent inside but also killing any innocent people they may have had held as hostages.

Steve tried speaking up to end the onslaught but he was shut down. Fast. And Bucky remained silent. It was only when Sam and Tony seemingly ran out of insults to hurl at him did he look up with a venomous stare. “Are you done?” his voice was dangerously low but he didn’t wait for a response, stalking out of the common room and within seconds you heard the slam of his bedroom door being swung shut.

The common room was silent. Bruce, Natasha and Wanda had run in when they heard the commotion but hadn’t said a word. You were the one to break the silence this time. “You see, there was a line there but you didn’t just cross it, guys. You fucking blew it up” your eyes switched from glaring at Tony to glaring at Sam. Wilson was the first to speak up “He was stupid-” “He made a god damn mistake. Can you honestly say you haven’t?” you cut him off but you hadn’t finished speaking your mind. Making sure you kept your voice low, you continue.

“Wilson, remember the time you flew a god damn homing missile in to the quinjet, effectively blowing up our only way out of that Hydra base? Or Stark, what about the time you used the stone from Loki’s sceptre to launch your defence programme only for it to become _sentient_ and try to destroy the fucking human race?!”

Your voice did not remain quiet as your anger spiked and so, taking a deep breathe, you continue. “Sure, he _shouldn’t_ have gone in to that room and yes, _maybe_ there were hostages that are now dead but neither of you had any right to attack him like that. Sam, when you returned, you had your say, that was warranted, sure, _but that was enough_. It was over. Screaming at him now has been nothing but cruel and you know it” Glancing at Steve, you see him falter, his usual Captain America demeanour slipping to give way to the anger he felt from seeing his best friend berated that way.

The two men stood in the room in silence, neither of them able to argue with what you said and you saw the guilt wash over them. You were right, after all. They had made worse mistakes and shouldn’t have shouted at Bucky the way they did. Seemingly sharing the same sentiment, the pair of them looked over to the elevator through which Bucky had left but Steve spoke up “Don’t. The last thing he wants it to have you two turn up at his door. Just give him time to cool down, he’ll be fine” but the sadness on Bucky’s behalf stayed in your heart.

Everyone knew how he viewed himself now that he’d broken through Hydra’s brainwashing. Everyone knew how he loathed what he’d done and was constantly berating himself for every little mistake he made throughout the day. And you couldn’t blame him. He was hurt. And the last thing he needed was for his team members to lose their temper.

Over time, the two of you became closer. Bucky viewed you as a friend, someone besides Steve that he could talk to without fear of judgement and you were more than happy to comply. Getting to know him, you started to see traces of the old Bucky, the Bucky that Steve would tell you about, and it always warmed your heart whenever you saw him genuinely smile or the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed because just for a moment, he didn’t look so broken.

The sound of his scream from last night ringed in your ears and no matter what you did, the thought of how rough Bucky’s day had been going was gnawing away at you. With a huff, you step back from the punching bag you’d been pounding for the past hour and half and begin to unwrap your knuckles, making your way to your room and in to the shower.

Walking out of the now steam filled shower, you had a new found spring in your step as an idea had formed in the back of your mind. Quickly removing the towel you’d wrapped around yourself, you get changed and head out to find Steve.

After having searched the common room, training room and lab, you come to his bedroom and knock on his door. His voice beckons you in and you find him seated at a desk, seemingly drawing in his journal. He did that often, it helped him relax after stressful missions or Bucky’s particularly bad episodes.

He looked up with a smile “Hey what’s up?” he asks, gesturing to you to come take a seat on the edge of his bed. It was now or never. “Hey, Stevie, I’ve got a question. What do you remember most from Christmases with Bucky?”

* * *

He woke up with a jolt, panting, a thin sheen of sweat covering his torso. Taking deep breathes to slow down his pounding heart, he actively took notice of the fact that his throat wasn’t burning and raw. He hadn’t woken up screaming like the night before. Kicking off his sheets he swings his legs over the side of the bed and pauses for a moment before getting up and making his way down the hall.

Bucky often wandered around the tower to calm himself down after night terrors. He thought he’d been getting better. Sure, he still had nightmares that woke him up most nights but they weren’t as bad as they were when he first came to the Avengers. Or at least, they weren’t until last night. Last night the terror came back with a vengeance. The images behind his closed eyelids looked crisper, the screams louder, the blood thicker and the orders to kill were heard as clear as day.

As the elevator descended, a warm, inviting smell invaded his senses, confusing him as he wondered who would be up at this hour. The doors opened and Bucky was left speechless as he took a step forward. There, in the common room of the Avengers tower, was a large pine tree softly illuminated by the fairy lights that intertwined the branches, the lights making the scattering of baubles glisten and cast reflections of light over the walls.

There was a soft glow encompassing the room because of the various candles that were spread around on different surfaces, giving everything a warm yellow tinge. A quiet clatter breaks his reverie and his eyes fall upon the figure standing in an apron, a spot of flour on her cheek, placing something on the counter.

* * *

You always hated the fact the elevator was silent, it meant you never heard anyone come in which you found unnerving. And tonight was no different. You only realised Bucky was standing there when you took the Christmas pudding off the hob and turned to put it on the counter beside the plate you’d set out. Looking up, you see him standing, rooted to the spot and panic. You weren’t ready. You were planning on setting everything up and going to wake him up and bring him down but here he was. “Waitwaitwait!” you squeaked before rushing to the record player, placing the needle on to the record and allowing the soft notes to fill the room, soon accompanied by the smooth vocals of none other than Bing Crosby as the original  _White Christmas_ began to play and you could have sworn you saw the soldier’s his eyes light up.

“What is all this?” his voice was barely above a whisper and you couldn’t help but notice the child-like awe he held in his features as his eyes wandered around the room again, almost like he was still trying to convince himself it was real. You speak softly “Well you weren’t having such a great day and I thought since we’ve got that mission next week… and we’ll be missing Christmas…” your voice fades as you gesture to the room in a pathetic attempt to explain it all. But his endearing expression doesn’t falter.

He’s silent. You step out from behind the counter, biting your lower lip, watching him anxiously. And in an instant, his arms are wrapped around you in a warm embrace, his face buried in the crook of your neck and the sudden action pulls a gasp out of you, taking you a second to register it before you wrap your arms around his back, a smile breaking across your features. He remains silent a moment longer, pulling you closer. If it wasn’t for the close proximity, you wouldn’t have heard the soft whisper. “Thank you” and you feel it more than hear it, his breathe hitting your neck, his lips brushing against your skin.

Bucky’s arms wrap around you even tighter and he simply holds you. You’re unsure of whether minutes have passed or mere seconds before he lets go of you but the needle of the record player lifts up, indicating the end of the song. And then something strange happens. Bucky turns abruptly and practically runs to the elevator. Your arms are still outstretched slightly from where he was standing before he just up and left. Stunned, you stand frozen in your spot for a while, trying to process what’s happened. _What in the world was that?_ But your train of thought is interrupted soon after by the flashing light indicating to you that the elevator is coming back down to your floor. You wait with anticipation.

The doors slide open and Bucky practically pulls Steve out in to the common room “Bucky, why in the world are you bringing me down at 2 in the mo…” his gruff, sleep ridden voice fades as he looks around the room. Inhaling deeply, he turns to you wide eyed and with the same child-like glee that was shining in Bucky’s eyes just moments ago. Bucky turns to his childhood friend, “Isn’t this just like-” “Yeah… Just like home” Steve’s voice is soft, nothing like the Captain America voice you heard him use so often and your heart melts when you see the gratitude in the men’s eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I originally posted to tumblr before Christmas but I quite like and thought I'd share it here.


End file.
